I wrote a pretty depressing post, but then I decided to scratch it.

I think I made the right choice for once. Little choices do matter. I read in Shinae's post earlier what her mom had told her; that life is really but a series of choices. In that sense, it's always good to think about the impact of the choices before making em of course.

That seems like total common sense, but as an impulsive person, I totally need to be reminded over & over.

Lately, I've been justifying a lot my selfishness.
"It is okay for me to spend time by myself b/c I need these kinds of relaxing seasons where I am not involved in anything."
"It is okay for me not to do anything, not going to the gym, not eating properly. Rules can be so restraining after all."
"It is okay if I don't feel like doing something, to fall short on commitments. People will understand."

But these choices are not okay. I am not being myself when I make these kinds of egocentric choices. My ego has been too pampered and overfed for a long time now. Things have to change. I need to make difficult choices again. Learning to sacrifice.

I hate it when people justify themselves, especially my roomie, but I do it all the freaking time too! I justify this, I question that, followed by some self-serving bias so I can get away with just about anything. How is it living when I only live for myself, for my own pleasure and comfort. I promised myself that I would never become a self-righteous narrow-minded old prick, but I guess sometimes you become what you feared the most without even realizing. And the answer to your question might be right in front of your eyes, but you turn the blind eye. You refuse to see it because you want the easy way out. But let me assure you that life is not easy. It shouldn't be easy anyway b/c otherwise, stagnation can cause stanky feet and soft drive.

I am ready to make some hard choices from now on. I will try harder again. Scratch the moodiness and write again.