Washed
5:21 PM
No one will ever understand you fully and entirely.
In those moments. Behind closed door. When you can no longer cope with the real world and you retreat to the cabin of hurts and sadness. A single bed. Single thought.
"Can I love again?", you ask yourself.
Your entity inconsolable. The room's TV then turns on without permission. A montage of memories. The good, bad and ugly. On reel tape. On repeat. Only you have access to those visuals & the backstage feelings. They are only real to you after all.
"Nobody can understand what I went through", a popup thought.
How can they after all, for they weren't hired actors in those scenes.
The gate to your mind is shutting down slowly but surely. You want to cry yourself to sleep, but your eyes are as dry as sand paper. Not much is going on in the physical world except the constriction of lungs and heaviness of breath.
"Try to think of something happy", you tell yourself.
Strangely enough, you are pulled to remain in the past. Can't seem to let go.
"Let me stay here a bit longer", you insist.
Perhaps if I felt long enough, hard enough, I will finally overcome these?
...
Take your time and feel. for it is good. However, know that sooner or later, you'd have to choose to forgo the past and walk towards the future. Life does not wait for anyone. Overcoming our feelings does not equate to refraining ourselves from feeling, for the living feels. It simply means to choose to persevere in life even amidst our hormonal tempest. Resist as long as you can. When finally unbearable, load the tub with your delicate laundry and release those ocular portals. The catharsis will then kick in and bring you on a spin through different grieving and healing cycles. Do not be afraid to cry. For eternal sunshine will end up desiccating even the most resilient soul. And just as the rain from the sky cools the air, those tears will soothe your searing pain. Let it be. You are but under the weather after all.
