(if you don't think that's a lot, cut a bro some slack)

*Did you know there's a difference between

-> most of the time

-> most of the times

Wish I still had dat blog ~AIYA~, so you guys can admire the food pics I took. Remember, this was all before Instagram. Trend I set. Spent a lot of money eating out obviously, but now that I look back, I think it's a good thing that I was able to support the local businesses, aka McDonalds. Aight, give me another chance to justify myself. Growing up, my parents didn't have much time to cook for me (convenience store thug life), so they spoiled me by giving me dough errweek...so I can make bread. A man gotta eat wa!
Even when I moved out on my own during my 3rd year uni, I still didn't learn to cook. In those golly ol' days, I'd eat candies and cakes for breakfast and gulp down Coke (from the 2L bottle) as chaser. Tru story.

Have no fear for I now excel in the art of culinary concoctions. Obviously, there are those lazy days (most days) when I would still eat out, but I am trying guys. I guess the reason why I laze out is b/c I find the process of eating rather overwhelming. You know, you have to search for a healthy recipe, get groceries, cook and then put dat thang in your mouth! I guess my mind is not bendable enough to know how to make use of whatever stored inside ma fridge. Ima Asian with red skin (neck?). I used to follow recipes, to the letters and I would buy ALL the suggested ingredients, which I end up using only once (perks of a capitalist). Who likes to eat the same stuff twice in this society anyway right? It's kinda similar to girls having to wear different clothes errday. One time, I met a friend on campus two days in a row and she literally asked me why I was wearing the same clothes from the previous day. Same shi(r)t different days? Truthfully tho, it pains my derrière in the morning having to mismatch clothes. End results always look like messy piles on the bed. I think I might not be artistically enhanced enough to know what to wear (mama used to clothe/feed/do everything for me). I am pretty sure I dressed fobbishly.
Another fashion deterrent: fickleness of Montreal's weather. I still haven't figured out exactly how many layers to put on @different temperatures. Pullovers/hoodies are the worst b/c they make you sweat profusely in the metro. I have to strip down to my core...t-shirt every time I step into the infernal abyss of Montreal's subway. And you only have so many hands handling/dangling your winter jacket, your hoodie, the book you want to read, food for take out and a water bottle. Where's mama when you need one. But don't get me wrong, I am actually growing fond of Montreal. I can literally find anything blind-foldedly here. Maybe I'll finally acknowledge the fact that I am from Montreal...on FB. I guess I am becoming one of those people, the settlers of Catan. (please invite me if you hold a Catan partay soon) Back in Korea, I never desired to explore the surrounding areas beyond my campus bubble (sounds familiar, mcgiller?). I guess I am not so adventurous. Wish I was though. One Piece anyone? Isn't it the best feeling in the world to have nakamas whom you know will stick with you no matter what? In any case, I guess it's okay not to be so rock&roll all the time. Structure/routine ist gut 2 (some German for you). Though, I am generally more spontaneous (thus the need to write this blog). But I think you can organize...your spontaneity! (deepness/derpness) However, I am more often like your typical ~YOLO/who gives/I do what I want~ type of power ranger (the black one).
Order! Still learning to navigate through the art of setting structures in my life/blog. One time, I saw Shinae jotting down a plan for her day. Talk about proaction. I want to be able to do dat someday. I remember how I used to set super rigid schedules for myself (everyone has prolly done it at one point or another)
Those never work! (they might if you are a control freak?) Nowadays, I still do what I want, but I set time for myself in the day, for example, one hour before bedtime to engage in any types of relaxing activities. Structure with a twist of flexibility quoi? Obviously, I also try to prioritize important matter to attend to w/o always giving in to impulses. Might not even be a matter of impulsiveness. Culprit: anxiety. We defz go way back.

SHO much to write about, SHO little time. BTW, thank you guys for all the feedback on my first post. I was overjoyed to read all the FB/Blogger's comments, maybe a bit too overjoyed even. I like attention, you see, A LOT. I don't think attention-seeking behaviors are necessarily bad, but when your ego is super involved with how other people think of you = GG. Don't be an attention whore, but an attention lover? If you want to know how to (make) love (or just need music during the act itself), listen to:

Have I talked about my life at all or was I just ranting about random stuff this whole time? Redial.

Highlights:

I don't usually remember what I did during the week, just b/c. Lack of episodic memory perhaps. Nothing extraordinary on the radar. Hosted some dinners, got invited to a dinner too. That was pretty nice, the couple was Brazilian and I got served. Apparently, FIFA thingy will be @Brazil this summer. I don't follow sports/news (heard about Olympics from Jimmy). Wish I was a sports fan doe. Also, played pool on Friday with a bro from church. Hanged out mostly with church peeps this week. Oh and attended a UNICEF concert on Monday. My bro Kev performed with his band for the first time. BOUT TIME! I am just sho proud of him. He dedicated one of their songs to his GF, who was sitting in the audience. SHE SHO SHY THO (tongue twister). Anyway, I wish I can express my love like that to someone one day, on stage that is. Oh reconciling with roomie this week is definitely a high. Yupper, we got into a conflict again, over texting (how in the world right?). The conversation just escalated out of nowhere.

Heat

= name of Beyonce's perfume in 2010

= a perfect describer of dat substance flowing out of text convo w roomie

I can't remember much of what was being said beside "ROAR ROAR ROAR" (reminder: all over text). I can always reread the convo, but it might cause me myocardial infarction. No fret. We are better now. Sometimes, you just have to swallow your pride. Swallow it and then spit it on the other person's face. Jokes. I think I have more of a desire nowadays to move forward and not to hold things against people. And to not take everything so personally! We are praying for each other too now. It definitely helps. I think praying can create a real honest moment between you and God. And when you pray with someone, what you say becomes less offensive for some reasons (unless if you pray those offensive prayers e.g. God I pray that Eugene stops angry birding). Overall, I think I realize that I have been pretty engrossed w/ my roomie situation. I mean I see him errday and we have a tendency to engage in piss-off contest. Therefore, I am trying to shift my focus onto other things. I am actually thinking more about God. Like what does it really mean/imply to be loved by God? Still trying to figure out the answer(s) to that question. I also have started to self-analyse. It's pretty simple. I just scribble down my honest thoughts and feelings and try to make sense of everything. It's like doing dirty laundry. About time I do my own laundry (it helps when you don't live w/ your parents no mo). Also, writing this blog feels pretty therapeutic too.

Lowlights:

Conflicts w/ roomie obvio. I thought of moving out (again) at one point, but luckily I didn't take those measures. What else. I was feeling pretty lonely this week. To rationalize it, I think I don't feel very supported in this time of seemingly unproductiveness. Hugging pillows helps a tad. Hugging a human being would prolly help mucho. But I have nobody to hug (give me a hug next time you see me prease). Why not get a GF right? I've been thinking about it. It's nice and all to have someone there for you, but I just don't feel ready b/c life = mess right now. Now that I think about it, I never felt ready to go out with anyone. Once a choker, forever choking
+ the negative thoughts: what if I get bored of her, what if she gets bored of me, what if we have nothing in common, but I have no money, our kids will starve, oh gosh kids, well mama could take care of them, dang have to feed mama too, etc.
A part of me just doesn't feel manly enough. Being a lover is maybe not part of my job description. Friendships are good in a sense. Low commitment all the way. You don't have to constantly think about someone and be affected by the other person. But now that I am living intentionally w/ another human being, I am starting to appreciate high commitment relationships. Conflicts are bad, but that's only because we are so relational.

At times, I also wonder if there are actually any meanings in building relationships b/c everyone ends up leaving you.

The moral of the story: if you have no more moves, use RUN! Jokes. Actually, I am learning to be more grateful. Now let's meditate on this: to control or not to control. I mean can you really control someone so s/he stays with you for the rest of your life?

There, my two cents on relationships. Anywho, I'll probably seriously consider about romance later in life, maybe @grad school? Being single is not too shabby (minus the sporadic loneliness). Well, if you don't like it, then put a ring on it.

That's it for today. If you are reading this from afar, know that I miss you (assuming that we are friends). If not, I still miss you. (me being grateful here)

Sincerely,

Your bro from another mama