The end of my tumultuous journey with roomie will finally come to an end on July 1st.

We both decided that it would be best for our friendship if we didn't live together next year. I am really relieved about this decision b/c over the past months, I have felt tremendous guilty for leaving b/c well, it has always seemed like I was the one to blame for instigating our conflicts. However, I also felt regretful with the way I treated him in the past: how I was avoiding or being passive aggressive towards him. In conjunction, I am also very sad because we did have many happy moments together. Someone told me that it almost seems like a break-up. Well considering how much I have been investing in this relationship, it only makes sense that I would go through all these emotions now that we have decided to part ways. It is called grieving. Did you know the process of grieving does not only apply in the cases of death mourning? In fact, grief can bring healing to any kind of dramatic changes in our lives. In this case, it would be me moving away from someone who has tremendously affected me. Anyway, you would think me moving out would somehow ease the tension between us. But no, we still have many unsolved bickering. Personally, I am just trying to float above the water and not let everything he says or does affect me so deeply. And I am also working through a lot of my own issues. I have realized the extent to which I have wronged certain peeps in the past. It is very overwhelming to acknowledge these especially when you have been so careful in your denial, justification and rationalization methods. And sometimes, you tend to be oblivious to things. I guess those blind spots in my self concept are real. Thankfully though, I will be working on these now that they have become clear. I guess the first step is always the hardest. Inertia.

A new chapter is starting. A fresh start. Excitement over uncertainty.