Going North
6:11 PM
As you might or might not know, I am a very emotional person.
I try not to show it too much as it does cause me shame. As I've mentioned in my previous posts, I have had A LOT of conflicts with X-roomie this past year, which resulted in an excess of hurts and unresolved grief.
When: night before moving out
Where: deserted apartment
As I was listening on repeat to this song, my hands simply wrote. Writing to express what my mouth didn't dare to say. Writing to leak out what my heart didn't want to divulge. 그냥 썼어다. A free writing:
I try not to show it too much as it does cause me shame. As I've mentioned in my previous posts, I have had A LOT of conflicts with X-roomie this past year, which resulted in an excess of hurts and unresolved grief.
When: night before moving out
Where: deserted apartment
As I was listening on repeat to this song, my hands simply wrote. Writing to express what my mouth didn't dare to say. Writing to leak out what my heart didn't want to divulge. 그냥 썼어다. A free writing:
. . .
This time I won't be coming back. No more looking back. No hesitation. Last time hearing of you. Lastly being tormented by this whirlpool of pain. Last box of unforgiving surprises, promised. No more technical difficulties. No more feeling at a loss. Only speed. Ecstasy. Clarity. Rushing tears. Flow. Cringe-worthy. A broken reflection. Fallen stars. Make a wish. Happiness foundation. No more crying, night. No more turbulence, right. Gone with the wind. Smooth flight. Take a leave, bow. Take off, leash of guilt. If fixed, the world will be yours to take.
NORTH
Let me look back once more. I need. Want to. All that I be missing, left behind. Dissonance, joy of melancholy. Bittersweet, pepper, rotting. Senses, uploading. Take everything in. Fully. Intentionally. One last cry. Pictures from past. Letter to the present. Subconscious. Business statement. Why did thou come North? To the Arctic cold? Land of frozen dumplings? Roaring wind, whipping visage. Lessons still not learnt. Time ticking. And second chance will not be given again. Sacrificial. Sleep. It. Off.
NORTH
Let me look back once more. I need. Want to. All that I be missing, left behind. Dissonance, joy of melancholy. Bittersweet, pepper, rotting. Senses, uploading. Take everything in. Fully. Intentionally. One last cry. Pictures from past. Letter to the present. Subconscious. Business statement. Why did thou come North? To the Arctic cold? Land of frozen dumplings? Roaring wind, whipping visage. Lessons still not learnt. Time ticking. And second chance will not be given again. Sacrificial. Sleep. It. Off.
Why can't I let go? This attachment, hurts. I know I was a punk. Thus, the punishment. A child should know better. A child should never be selfish. Listen and behave, expectations. I can't stand that double face of yours. Please do not ever talk about God. Do not talk about his grace when you are full of shit. Do not talk about his compassion when you blow up constantly. Do not hurt people no mo with your carry on. A bitter Chinese medicine with no healing properties. That's who you are. Try retrospection. Introspection. Take a deeper look. Dive after dark. Wish you the best. Go without me this time b/c I am going North.
