Routines have set in again. Undesirable ones.
I have stopped my job search. Seems too hard to know what I want to do with my life. People asked me what I am doing these days. I tried not to flinch when I told them this:
Where I am at in life right now is clearly not where I want to be, but I can't seem to do anything about it. Where is my agency? I have chosen forfeit. Given up. White flag risen high. Surrendering to my circumstances. By the way, what are the returns policy? I would like to exchange my life please. What must I do? Just keep applying for jobs? Or look into schools? Seems easy enough right? People have asked me what kind of jobs I want. I have no clue. Why is it that I don't even know what I want to do with my own life? Feelings of despair, agony. Antagony. The currents of life going past me. Time stagnates and stinks.

Arise. It is time to wake up. The slumber party has to end now. League of Legends. Deleted. Reset and reboot. Give myself another chance at advancing and conquering in my own story. It is not too late still to show up at the actual party and have some cold turkey. Remember the reasons why I still stand to this day. Don't be sorry. Tell me. If you had a second chance, what would you do differently this time?