Trilogy
5:05 AM
Life seemed a lot easier back in the days, no?
Given the chance, would you want to backtrack and start all over again?
Before you answer,
do you still remember who you were,
say 6 years ago?
Yeah me either.
Who was this person?
He was 18.
Can tell you this much.
He just became legal in Quebec.
Although he had no idea what that really meant.
That he could finally go to bars?
Or behind bars?
That he finally became a man?
Adult?
The answers weren't handed to him on a platter.
He had to learn it the hard way.
You see, he was pretty lost coming out of high school.
"Five Years An Outcast", name of his personal tale.
And the sequel,
"The Popularity Game"
But can you be known without first knowing who you are?
Didn't matter.
You see.
He knew whom he wasn't.
He wasn't very sportive,
nor very knowledgeable.
At conversations, he sucked.
But one thing he knew like 1 + 1.
He was a nobody,
the biggest loser.
Dad taught him that.
A lesson well learnt.
He wondered,
how could anyone like him?
Because he didn't like himself.
All these years,
he celebrated his birthdays alone.
He didn't think anyone cared.
And his special day became blehsome.
Alone,
he blew on candles
and wished for friends,
only to find out
that he was still alone.
But he was tired of being alone.
"This time will be different",
he solemnly promised himself.
And someone heard his pledge.
First day in CEGEP,
he encountered many
who looked like him
talked like him.
He befriended them.
And he thought the ills of his loneliness were solved.
"How do you maintain relationships?
And what happens when you are out of small talk?"
Deep down, he knew he'd lose these friends if they realized
the empty shell that he truly was,
devoid of substance.
You see.
Growing up,
he was told
that he was not allowed to fail.
Somehow that made him less willing to try,
to experiment.
The fear of failures was so tangible,
breathable.
He felt he had nothing good to offer.
But he tried
to relate with peers.
to look cool in front of them.
Although truthfully,
he knew he was not worthy of anyone's time.
Conflicted, he asked himself.
"Surely, even I must have some sort of talent?"
And he discovered
that he listened well.
It was all very strange.
People were often discontent with each other
but seldom addressed the issue.
They however seemed to entrust him
with their complaints.
Thus,
he became a confessional booth.
Since he himself had never confided in anyone,
he didn't exactly understand the concept of privacy.
He thought he could use the acquired info
to entertain others.
Simply put,
he was sharing what he knew
in order to be known.
Though the stories weren't his own,
people all loved a dramatic and poignant story
and he never failed at delivering.
Maybe he wasn't so useless after all.
"When I was a child,
I spoke like a child,
I thought like a child,
I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man,
I gave up childish ways."
1 Corinthians 13:11
"Gone Boy" #comingin2015
Photography by ღ eulenbilder - berti ღ.
