DISCLAIMER:

This post does not promote self-entitlements. Keep everything in context.

Now why is that? It obviously stems from a deeper hurt.
Otherwise, why else would someone you cared about suddenly gets found dead & gone?


But I get it. Growing up, we might not all have had the opportunity to learn how to deal with conflicts constructively. We are conflict-aversive now because well, in the past, every time we dared to bring an issue up, we were shut down, met with resistance. And somewhere along the curve ball, we learnt that our feelings ain't matter & that life would be much easier for everyone if we just STFU. Is it just me or this approach sings the blues? Let me tell you sumsum: what you feel inside is real and valid. Proof: why else would your feelings linger even after all that "self-sacrificing" and "self-denial"? Sounds more like self-mutilation and in-denial to me. Don't want to be soon in-treatment too now do we?

Bear with me.
Let's rehearse a few useful phrases.
Repeat:
"I don't like it when you - fill in the blank -" 
"I am hurt when you * action verb of choice *" 

Yes you can certainly use the word "hurt". I first discovered this underrated adjective two years ago, when I was still living with my ex-roomie. So one time, I poked him somewhere sensitive (figuratively speaking ofc) and what followed: he shamelessly told me that he was hurt by ma speech. My reaction: 

"Wuuuut now sissy boy?" 

Deep down, I knew the reason of my recoil. I was not having it b/c I couldn't stand his honesty or more truthfully, my own inability to self-disclose with others. Let's face it, it does take a lot of ego digestion to excrete some of your guts, especially between guys...or gals or anyone you feel close to really, aka family members (esp. the azn ones).

Speaking of Asians, my mom told me this story recently. So she had this Chinese friend, notice I said "had", and this aforementioned lady just immigrated to Canada, which probably reminded my mom of her own humble beginnings, ergo a soft spot was struck. What happened: my mom offered to drive this new pal around for shoppin' and schtuff. One time, out of concern, my mom advised the other auntie to get some winter boots in order to keep em toes warm. Climax: our Jamie Blunt replied with an interesting remark,

"Well I wouldn't need em since you will be driving me around anyway."

That was the last straw of their friendship. I know, not a lot of straws in their cup. From my mom's perspective, she felt that the other beach spoke in a derogatory way, as in she considered my mom more as a personal driver than a friend. Valid anger if you asked me, but I think deep down, my mom was more hurt than anything else. You know, that feeling of not being respected, being taken for granted. The "Shucks to be me" and "FU" moment.


When I heard the story, I went, "Now why you gotta assume she meant that in a demeaning way? And why can't you just express yourself instead of brewing this bitter tea? Cuz it'd be so much easier to just hash things out." #linguism (power to words)

Agree/disagree?

If you do agree, then you probably wouldn't mind if I told you this tew:
"You there, stop assuming as well!"
Can you please stop trying to guess another's intentions, thinking that you understand their every move. It is condescending, crystal clear. Sadly, you are not a mind reader, and certainly not a conjurer of conjectures.

Sure, the other person might not know better. They will keep saying ignorant things or do hurtful things to you, that is, only if you don't say or do anything about it. So stop wishing that they will somehow get it on their own. They will not. Sit y'all ass down and let me give it to you as it is: your petty passive aggressive ways and your subtle hormonal releases are FUTILE, be like washing dirty laundry in em grimy toilet water.

There there, you just got preached. But do give that other partay a piece of your mind already. Haven't you had enough of playing the guessing and back bitching game?

I mean what is the worst that can happen to you anyway? That they will give you a piece of their mind also? I mean who knows, that might just solve the problem. It is called communication.

Don't make me beg. Chance and play