At times, when the conditions are met, you can't help but feeling alive.
Indeed, it really could be that easy to achieve happiness. Trick?
Maybe a breezy stroll down the neighborhood.
Bathing in the sunlight.
Listening to your favorite tunes.
Dancing to the beat.
And you realize: today is sho fine & tomorrow, sho bright. Much to look forward to.
In the moment, simplicity and beauty, found.

Then, the thought. Why me? Why am I the one being peppy and fizzy? What sets me apart from the rest of the world. And how do I explain my comfort when many are suffering in unknown and remote places?
A climb up my own walls and a peek on the other side.
A pit.
Resting at its bottom, a single belief.
   I don't deserve anything good.
      I shouldn't be happy.

Driving around town with mom today, passenging to be more precise. While enjoying the view, I laid eyes on a stranger. He could well be my age. We locked gaze and there was something intriguing about him. He had that look. A look worth thousand words. A countenance that went through much. Squeegee in hand, he stood. Was that sadness I saw in his eyes or a reflection of mine? I wondered if he had any aspirations. What did he wish for exactly, some coins, acknowledgement, or a friend? But something tells me that he was not expecting anything really. I guess the witnessing of constant indifference and rejection from your peers would change your outlook. And after much exposure to the generalized human disorder, you could end up forsaking any sense of hope, perhaps even relinquishing your own kindness in the process, casting it off to a universe far far away.

Back to reality. I wanted to go down and give him some coins, but I had none. At the same time, I knew what my mom was probably thinking, that this street bum should get a paying job instead of vandalizing windscreens.
And all I could muster in the moment: guilt.
That I am sitting in a car without a worry of the world when another being is living the hard knocked life right in front of me eyes.
That my own mother, who spoils me like a king, wouldn't lift a finger to help.

Give me a rub. To the left, yeah right there, you got it, that's the spot, the zone of powerlessness & twilight.
Thoughts: What can I possibly do? Little me, insignificant, a speck of dust in the sandstorm of time. I can't barely manage my own life, how can I possibly be of help to another?

"Stop. Stop right there."

That inner voice again, whoever it is, thank you.
For always encouraging me when I feel defeated.
Comforting me in my lowest.
Freshening up depression.
Pointing me in the right way.
Encompassing my human condition.
While challenging it to the core.

Yes I can certainly make a difference. Even though my life is messy, I can still participate in someone else's mess. Even though I am struggling, I can still struggle along another. Even though I am suffering, who tells me I can't suffer in good company. Isn't that the definition of friendship. A person who knows our best and worst. When the feeling is mutual & pain, shared, more bearable.

A reminder. At the end of the day, we can certainly rejoice and celebrate, because together, there's always more, promised. So stop withholding yourself already. Let go of past disappointments and stand up for love again. Trust, for through trials and errors, you will be made anew again.

On the other hand, stop feeling bad for others, it is patronizing. Why would you pity another when they might not pity themselves. Don't rob them of their dignity. It is not because they have less material possessions that they are less accomplished. Not because they live on the street that they shouldn't be honored. Not because they stink that they shouldn't befriended.

Heyo time to take off those disdain lenses and look beyond yourself.
Do you see now?
You are well surrounded you special you.