"Why is he being sullen like all the time?" (insert LSP voice)

Well lemme clarify that a bit for you my deer. (now read the previous sentence again. BANG! It's called selective attention...if you read deer as dear that is)

@Sam Smith's concert

Sam said something that pretty much summed up how I feel. 

"I know that the songs on my album are somewhat depressing, but that doesn't mean I am a depressed person. I am quite jolly actually." (insert British accent)

It makes sense. His songs only captured a few moments of his longevity. In the same vein, these posts only portray few of mines. 

I tell you, I am quite cheerful, me think. I honestly don't know how I make people feel sometimes, but a big gracias to all of y'all who loved me through my worst. Just like you, I go through my thighs, bottoms and planks. However, when I hit those low keys, I drop it like it's hot, like a big macky lump on this blog for all the world to see. There are many reasons hwhy I do this, at least when I think about it on a conscious level.

Numero uno: creative self-expression.

You know. People write music, poetry. They make arts, food arts. Some enjoy dancing, singing, photography & I happen to write blogs. Every time you make something out of nothing, you bring a part of yourself to life and it is pleasing to the soul. It's like giving birth, but less painful and traumatizing. Ah creation. No offense evolution.

Numero dos: I want to be known and understood.

Aigh know aigh know, people don't always appreciate em attention horses (spelling?), but cut us some slack you judgmental axes. There are reasons to be found behind tendencies. I, for one, am an only child. A mister lonely jr. who had nobody for his own, growing up. I didn't talk much with dem parents, dem wut-fwends. Life used to be a big misundersdude. Never felt like I belonged anywhere. A misfit quoi. 

Don't you wish sometimes that someone would just tell you that they understand where you are coming from and that it is totally okay to feel the way you feel?

I am actually really proud of this blog initiative. Fact. I am hoping to foster a sense of closeness with my audience as if I was addressing to me casa members. I am still learning, though, what the concept of family or trust is, but I am getting there. At the end of the day, I just want to be live out my authentic self in order to relate with your face. I mean the Song disclosed here might not always manifest himself in those large limiting social gatherings. As an extrovert, I drool when I see crowds of familiar faces around. So ain't nobody have time to self-excavate when there are sho many kewl peeps in the perimeter. But on this platform, I can structure my thoughts carefully and present em to you in a nicer way. Also, I can write as much as I want without having to worry about time constraints or cognitive farts. You know, you can only talk so much in real life (cuz others have to talk too). So writing about my feelings here facilitates the process of self-acceptance. #werd

BTW, insecurities are rooted in thoughts and feelings. 

"I just don't feel like/think I am good enough, cool enough or smart enough, etc."

That's why iz important, in my onion, to first and foremost acknowledge our fears by verbalizing them. And then, from a place of awareness, we can move forward by learning to replace those negative thoughts with more positive ones. The thoughts that we have on a daily basis can have dominion over our beliefs, behaviors and feelings, thus the importance of renewing our mind daily. I believe that when I lay down my insecurities and struggles in verbal form, I am overcoming them, slowly but surely. Hope you see by this point that I am not trying to vent, have a pity party or play the victim here. Truthfully, I just want you to relate with me. Indeed, the gift of acknowledgement is best in math book. 

In conclusion, I hope this blog can inspire you in a positive way. If not at least provide you with some temp relief? Because the truth is you are not alone in your struggles. We all stem from the collective unconscious! 

Thanks for reading this long-buttal. Appreciationism.