Social Skills
2:47 PM
So this one time, Becky was telling me about the concept of DTR.
It was in the context of romantic relationships ofc. You know how sometimes, when someone of the opposite gender is being nice to you, and you wonder if he or she likes you? I can think of two potential reactions from your part. It can either make you feel flattered or it can scare the shiz out of you. I usually opt for the second option, especially if I don't really like the other person like that. Plus, I have intimacy issues but you guys prolly know that by now. It's funny cuz one time my friend Wendy told me how she wished she had a bf in Montreal. On the spot, I felt really awkward since I thought she was coming onto me. In my mind, I thought she was asking me to become her bf. Perks of being a people pleaser. When you interpret everything people tell u as needs you need to fulfill. #lookingatyouelodie Anyway, I told my bro Peter about it. He laughed at me. #meanie He told me that Wendy didn't like me like that, plus she already had a crush on Kyle back then. Now I assume Peter had prolly told his gf about this and knowing his gf (she has gossiping problems just like me, takes one to recognize one), she prolly relayed this info back to Wendy since they are good friends. So Wendy probably knows all about how I thought she liked me. How embarrassing! #digaholeandburymyface I guess that's why DTR is very important at the beginning of any relationships, even the platonic ones.
<determining the relationship>
It was in the context of romantic relationships ofc. You know how sometimes, when someone of the opposite gender is being nice to you, and you wonder if he or she likes you? I can think of two potential reactions from your part. It can either make you feel flattered or it can scare the shiz out of you. I usually opt for the second option, especially if I don't really like the other person like that. Plus, I have intimacy issues but you guys prolly know that by now. It's funny cuz one time my friend Wendy told me how she wished she had a bf in Montreal. On the spot, I felt really awkward since I thought she was coming onto me. In my mind, I thought she was asking me to become her bf. Perks of being a people pleaser. When you interpret everything people tell u as needs you need to fulfill. #lookingatyouelodie Anyway, I told my bro Peter about it. He laughed at me. #meanie He told me that Wendy didn't like me like that, plus she already had a crush on Kyle back then. Now I assume Peter had prolly told his gf about this and knowing his gf (she has gossiping problems just like me, takes one to recognize one), she prolly relayed this info back to Wendy since they are good friends. So Wendy probably knows all about how I thought she liked me. How embarrassing! #digaholeandburymyface I guess that's why DTR is very important at the beginning of any relationships, even the platonic ones.
Sometimes, I find it hard to know also, mostly in the beginning, if someone wanted to be friend with me, especially among the guys circle. I feel like guys wouldn't really go up to each other and ask,
It's always a relief when the other person initiates first, at least for me. And I am supposedly a people person. #failed So DTR is very important in this way too. For example, at my boxing gym (yes I started boxing but more on that later), there is this guy that I really like to talk to + practice with. I feel like we are getting to know each other more but I don't know if it's appropriate to ask him if he wants to be my friend. You know cuz friends would hang out even outside of the training and have each other on Facebook, stupid but necessary stuff like that. One time, after training, I was stretching in the back of the gym. He already got dressed, but he just stood at the entrance, staring in my direction. And he was just waiting there, as if he was thinking about something. And then he walked in my direction while avoiding my visual field. When he finally reached me, he asked me if I wanted to spar with him the following Monday. I of course agreed cuz like I said, I really enjoy practicing with him.
Tangent time. I don't usually have to worry about punching him hard like I do with some other peeps, mostly newbies & girls. And he usually wouldn't try to kill me like some other pro-er guys would. #fittinggloves
All this to say that it's frigging hard for guys to ask each other things. I also wanted to ask him if he maybe wanted to come over to my place sometimes for Chinese food, but those goddamned words just won't come out. It's called insecurity. Guys are afraid too, to be rejected or made fun of, by making the first move. See it's not easy to enter into any kind of relationship with people. It takes a lot of courage actually to DTR and ask someone if they wanted to be your friend. I have so many stories like this, where I really liked someone, as in I could see us being friends, but because I was too insecure to ask, I missed out on those opportunities. You know what, I should really grow a pair so I can voice out those desires. I guess Jesus must have been shameless or more accurately fully secure in his relationship with his Father to be able to do what he did. I am also learning to let go of my fears and actually go for relationships in deeper and meaningful ways.
"Hey man, wanna concretize our friendship status?".
It's always a relief when the other person initiates first, at least for me. And I am supposedly a people person. #failed So DTR is very important in this way too. For example, at my boxing gym (yes I started boxing but more on that later), there is this guy that I really like to talk to + practice with. I feel like we are getting to know each other more but I don't know if it's appropriate to ask him if he wants to be my friend. You know cuz friends would hang out even outside of the training and have each other on Facebook, stupid but necessary stuff like that. One time, after training, I was stretching in the back of the gym. He already got dressed, but he just stood at the entrance, staring in my direction. And he was just waiting there, as if he was thinking about something. And then he walked in my direction while avoiding my visual field. When he finally reached me, he asked me if I wanted to spar with him the following Monday. I of course agreed cuz like I said, I really enjoy practicing with him.
Tangent time. I don't usually have to worry about punching him hard like I do with some other peeps, mostly newbies & girls. And he usually wouldn't try to kill me like some other pro-er guys would. #fittinggloves
All this to say that it's frigging hard for guys to ask each other things. I also wanted to ask him if he maybe wanted to come over to my place sometimes for Chinese food, but those goddamned words just won't come out. It's called insecurity. Guys are afraid too, to be rejected or made fun of, by making the first move. See it's not easy to enter into any kind of relationship with people. It takes a lot of courage actually to DTR and ask someone if they wanted to be your friend. I have so many stories like this, where I really liked someone, as in I could see us being friends, but because I was too insecure to ask, I missed out on those opportunities. You know what, I should really grow a pair so I can voice out those desires. I guess Jesus must have been shameless or more accurately fully secure in his relationship with his Father to be able to do what he did. I am also learning to let go of my fears and actually go for relationships in deeper and meaningful ways.
I am also reminded of this social skill I was teaching one of my autistic kiddos last year.
4 simple steps:
1. Go to the person
2. Say their name
3. Look them in the eyes
4. Ask them if they wanted to play with you
Re: how to engage in play with peers.
4 simple steps:
1. Go to the person
2. Say their name
3. Look them in the eyes
4. Ask them if they wanted to play with you
Easy right? But how many of us actually do this? Are we all perhaps a bit autistic? Or perhaps we have lost much of our innocence from our childhood. Maybe we haven't gained any social skills growing up. Maybe we have lost our ability to relate with our peers somewhere along the way.
Another thing that I would always tell my kid is that if the person you asked doesn't want to play with you, don't take it personally and move on to another. #respectingboundaries
But rest assured, you will definitely find a playmate. Someone out there must like you the way you are. Now go and make friends of all nations. Surely, Jesus will be with you in this endeavor.
But rest assured, you will definitely find a playmate. Someone out there must like you the way you are. Now go and make friends of all nations. Surely, Jesus will be with you in this endeavor.
Photography by Scott Lewis.
