Sometimes, I get emotionally constipated.

How? I catch myself forcing a smile at the person I speak to, attempting to cast a happy spell on them.

Does it really work? Does forcing a smile really make others or myself happier?

I think most people can tell whether a smile is genuine or not. Counterfeit items always lack in one way or another. In this case, if you don't see those creases around em eye tips, it's probably fake. In a way, true joy is contagious. Conversely, it's easy to catch the awkwardness flu too. Has it ever happened to you, when you are in the presence of an awkward facial expression, that the complex visual matrix in question would get replicated on your own face too? I blame the mirror neurons.

Sometimes, I feel like I have to act happy when I am in front of others. Thus, the existence of the awkward smile. Perhaps I am trying to alleviate some unnecessary tension within me soul, or in the room, who knows. Maybe it's the need to control. Me wanting to micro-manage me every move. Or! I am perhaps just afraid of letting my facial muscles run wild. #theugliness #scarythoughts

And those times. When someone tells an unfunny joke and you laugh in order to save their face. Been there done that? #awkward And then you realize that everyone around you is probably doing the same thing too. I mean it is pretty easy to notice those less than genuine laughs among the crowd. And for some reason, the person telling the joke is always the last one getting the "joke" (themselves). #copingmechanism? But you know what, it is okay to mutter stupid utterances in front of people. I do it all the time. And it's especially okay to feel embarrassed in the aftermath. Em comedians probably all had to learn this. The hard way. At their own expenses. Inner peace is indeed a journey. So get down that catwalk already.

And those other times. When you force a laugh even though you didn't get the funny memo. Just because everyone else is laughing? Tell you what, it is okay to not always be part of the loop. Missing something funny won't kill ya. And you not laughing won't kill others. What is important again is to stay true to yourself. So instead of manoeuvring your behaviors, pay more attention to your intentions. Truly I tell you, every day could be a self awareness day. And inner freedom is really a thing these days.

On a side note, the weather is getting so warm these days. Kinda awkward to be honest. I almost don't know how to act or feel anymore. It's like too good to be true. Guess that's what happens when rigidity gets thawed. It creates little puddles and mini rivers. Of joy.